This photo is not mine. I found it through google searching Rose.
However, if it is yours please let me know and I can give you credit or take it down if you wish.
I am posting this photo because I find something beautiful about it.
I usually do not prefer roses considering there are many flowers that I find connect with my personality more. But, today this rose fits my emotions and my life.
I am now in the United States of America, I have left Europe yesterday.
Something different about the USA, I enjoy. The smell of summer in New York is new. I left the city and am now upstate in a country side. The earth was crying and desperate for rain. It began raining this evening, and that is when I awoke from jet lag, because earlier I decided a nap would be perfect.
The rain started off gently, and a breeze dusted the miles of grass with the presence of H20. It was lovely seeing the sky turn from light blue to a dim gray. There is something about the contrast.
My life right now feels like this rose. Shadowed in some areas where light cannot hit all of my petals, my thoughts. I reach my hand out of the window and let the rain drop itself in random areas of my skin. My eyeglass prescription hasn’t been updated, and I’ve been rather too lazy to pop in those contacts. My vision usually feels blurrier without my lenses, since they are the updated version of my poor eye sight. But ignoring lenses for a few days and only wearing glasses has made my eye sight feel better, more clear.
The rain dishevels this clearness I see, and I can imagine my skin transforming and melting off. And what is left of me?
I thought I would miss Europe more but I do not. In Firenze where I lived, it was full of tourists and city scape. It was beautiful but I wanted to see green earth. Now I have yards upon yards of blue sky and stars at night, that peek out of this blue cardboard and smile at me. Sometimes they drip from the sky’s ceiling, and reach out to me, feeling how I at random moments feel lost.
My friends back in Firenze haven’t written or messaged me. It only proves how life keeps moving on even when you leave. I have no desire to meet new people here or connect with anyone else. I’m in the mood to only focus on this change of state, being in the USA and being around clouds and fresh air.
I have a particular song playing over and over. I know in my last post: Potrei Morire, I posted a song with my poem– Sleepwalker by Nostalgia 77. That song was how I felt just then and is one of my favorites when my heart and mind ache for something more. However, all I have listened to over and over is Bloodstream by Stateless.
I admire the instrumental very much, it unravels my emotions and my confusion every time I hear it. And the lyrics are beautiful and haunting, just how I feel about my romantic other.
I miss her, and I long to see her again after all of this time. We feel distant now because I haven’t told her what I’m up to. I haven’t told her I’m in the USA to visit her. She thinks I’m still in Firenze. I want to surprise her for her birthday. I felt that it would mean much more if it just came as a huge shock if I either showed up on her door when she returns home from work, or surprise her with dinner I made on the table…maybe just set up candles in her room, light them, hide and see her reaction and confusion and then pop out of the closet– but is that too weird romantic-horror movie type scene?–with me out of a closet?
I’ve been acting distant from her because I can’t stand lying to her about where I am and what I’m up to. For me it is easier to rarely speak to her until a week or two passes when I go to visit her. My plane ticket is set, and I am already thinking of all of the things to pack to make our reunion romantic.